The Carneyvore Diet

Sylvia Shawcross

Yes, I know the world is going to hell and it is all very ugly so all we’re left with is banality. And so that is what this writer is left with. It is what it is…

Now, we all know that processed food is bad for us. I don’t know about you but if “they” are going to be feeding us crickets and meal moths then I want them to process the bloody hell out of those things. I want them to muck them about right down to the DNA until we have no idea what it is. I mean really. I don’t want to find a cricket eyeball in my scone. But that’s not the important thing at all.

The important thing is Mark Carney has a huge head.

I’m living in Canada and we’ve gone completely mad here. Well, our politicians have. They’ve lost the plot or else the plot has lost them. It is hard to tell. It might even be argued that in their defence they’re not really politicians anymore. How can they be? They’ve not been sitting in the House of Commons for I don’t know how long. They’ve injected into the stew of confusion, Mark Carney, a new Prime Minister whom the electorate had nothing to do with to any grand extent. I mean, it doesn’t somehow, uneasily, look at all like a democracy in action. That might be because it isn’t. But that’s the beside the point.

The point is Mark Carney has a big head. I’m not saying that to be mean or anything. I’m just observing this in passing and hopefully it will help the man with his public image and all that. A different haircut maybe. Maybe an artfully draped scarf or something.

You see, I noticed this when Carney, the new Prime Minister (elect? Inject?), globalist of the highest order, bankster and green zealot extraordinaire, was doing a press conference at a factory somewhere in Ontario. For those of you unfamiliar with Canada, Ontario is the only province in Canada that matters apparently because it has Toronto and Ottawa and everybody is expected to adore them. The globalists certainly do adore them. This is why Alberta is threatening to run away from home and there’s no talking whatsoever to Quebec, at least in English. It’s all very Freudian.

Anyway, about the press conference: There was Carney and his ministers standing behind him all dressed up in helmets and gear. There wasn’t a real worker in sight. People of course have been abuzz about that. Where were the workers? What did this mean? I mean Polievre, leader of the opposition, aka arch enemy to Carney in this Hunger Games world had a similar press conference and all the workers dressed in gear lined up behind him. It was almost as if they liked him or something.

Where were the workers with Carney? Some say they just didn’t want to be associated with him. Others say it was simply a way of showing the public that the blue collar workers don’t matter in the least. Others say it was simply a bunch of self-important people who wanted to play dress-up because they miss all that, what with ex-Prime Minister Trudeau gone and everything. At least they didn’t do black face.

So anyway, there he stood—our Prime Minister inject with his white helmet on. He looked like a beluga whale with a baby bonnet on! Honestly! What the hell happened to the prop people? They couldn’t find one single helmet to fit the man’s head? In all those helmets? Not a one? Given that he was front and centre the whole time? I despair. How sad for the man to be standing there trying to be important looking this way. Who could listen to a word he said when he was standing there like a carney in a circus? A clown in a clown world. His ministers were sporting theirs quite splendiferously but not him.

Of course I thought perhaps it was just me seeing this. So I had to go out and compare heads. This was an easy thing to do as it turns out. You’d have thought, since newly injected, the first thing our Prime Minister would have done would be a Canadian thing like eating clams in Prince Edward Island or cutting down timber in British Columbia, but no… our new PM went off to England to have tea with King Charles.

So it was as easy as pie to compare heads. There they sat across from each other all smiles and civility and green underground plotting. All that really came out of it was that Carney has a big head and King Charles has a pointy head. And should King Charles wish to consort with the commoners, he’d be able to wear a helmet with ease. Poor Carney. They’ll have to make him a customized helmet. There is no other way I don’t think. Of course, only if he wants to be consorting with the likes of blue-collar workers. Perhaps he doesn’t. They’d better get that figured out before the next election. If there is an election. But that’s a whole other story.

Here’s an ear worm which fortunately we get to listen to and not have to eat. This one is dedicated to Mr. Carney who seems to be confused as to whether or not he’s Canadian or European.