Bring on the Adult Mandates! by Levi Quackenboss

Opinion

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Bring on the Adult Mandates!

by Levi Quackenboss | Guest Writer

Published April 13, 2016 | Opinion

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What, you’re not as excited as I am about adult mandates coming to your state? Then wake the ruckafruckin’ up and start protecting your rights.

What’s the difference between a vaccine-injured two-month old and a vaccine-injured 30-year old? The 30-year old has a Facebook account and is going to tell everyone about it. The poor baby has to suffer several more rounds after its mother is told “It’s all normal,” but an adult is probably not going to ride that bull more than once before speaking up.
Guillain Barre? ADEM? Anaphylatic shock? Instant food allergy? Joint pain? Shoulder injury? Brand new seizure disorder? Tell us alllll about it. Be sure to file for compensation while you’re at it. I can’t wait to hear these stories. Adult mandates are going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to this non-existent anti-vaccination movement.
What, you didn’t know that adult vaccine mandates are on the horizon? I warned you about it back on Valentine’s Day 2015—it was my love letter to you. And let’s not forget how in the fall of last year, the California legislature amended SB 792, a bill that was originally written to snag daycare and preschool teachers with mandatory vaccination, so it now includes parents who want to volunteer at their child’s school. Thought you’d chaperone your 3-year old’s trip to the pumpkin patch? Then you’re going to be required to show proof of the trifecta of good health: Tdap, MMR and an annual flu vaccine.

Genius! It’s almost as if someone has caught on to the fact that once an adult has gone a decade without a booster that they’re just as immune as a hippie child on Vashon Island, which throws the whole theory of vaccine-acquired herd immunity into the crapper. And here we’ve been blaming the 1% of unvaccinated children for the spread of disease for the last half decade? It’s about time we have some adult representatives take one for the team.
This is super because babies suck at telling us exactly how they felt after being shot up with multiple viruses, bacteria, formaldehyde, aluminum and 25 micrograms of mercury. They suck at giving interviews on CNN, they suck at protesting, walking off jobs en masse, and testifying in legislative committee hearings. You know who doesn’t suck at all of that? Grownups. So bring it.
What, you’re not as excited as I am about adult mandates coming to your state? Then wake the ruckafruckin’ up and start protecting your rights. Call your state senator, call your state representative, and call your governor. Sign up for NVIC updates in your state so that you always know what’s going on. Join your state’s coalition for vaccine choice and go on the offensive instead of waiting for the Dr. Pans of the world to come at you year after year.
And if you don’t do all of that, well… I’ve got my popcorn ready. This is going to be great.

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Note: This article was reprinted with the author’s permission. It was originally published at Levi Quackenboss.