Dear
Reader, you may have seen reports detailing Chelsea Clinton’s demand
that FOX’s Tucker Carlson be removed from his job, because he questioned
the effectiveness of the COVID vaccine.
But wait. There’s more…
CNN
News Item: Here’s the untold inside story on Chelsea Clinton’s
slam-dunk refutation of Tucker Carlson, who has been questioning the
efficacy of the COVID vaccine, since, he claims, the need to wear a mask
and avoid large gatherings after vaccination makes the
injection-solution to COVID-19 dubious and untenable.
Of
course, Clinton was correct in pointing out that public health experts
know what’s what and should be obeyed without question or thought. This
stinging rebuke to Carlson for his incitement to insurrection should be
applauded for its perspicacity. But…
What
people haven’t understood until now is: Clinton made her remarks to the
press in the Rose Garden, after President Biden fainted, and as she was
performing emergency brain surgery to save his life.
Clinton
told CNN White House correspondent, Carl Potato, “I had read about
surgery and stuff in books and things, and I had a pretty good idea on
what to do and all. When Joe finished his remarks about cooperating with
China to win a land war against the Russians, and he, like, fell down, I
rushed to his side…”
As
Biden was lying on his back on the lawn, Clinton removed a pin from her
hair and inserted it in Biden’s right ear. She pushed in the pin,
impaled his earpiece, which the President uses to receive instructions
from Susan Rice, and slowly guided the earpiece out of the
aforementioned ear.
Clinton
later said, “I sensed the earpiece was putting pressure on his brain
and stopping blood flow. I could see redness above his ear and slight
swelling and a telltale purple dot on his lip. It was really
easy. Textbook. So while I was doing all this, I answered a question
from the press about Tucker Carlson and his conspiratorial statements
against the vaccine, because I thought he needed to be…he needs to be
taken off the air and deplatformed. Censored. He’s a very dangerous
man. He has no right to ask these leading questions about the vaccine
which, like, all the experts know, is effective and safe.”
CNN
has also learned that, as the President was recovering in the White
House residence, and a new communication/navigation device was being
placed in his elbow, the president’s surgeon, Randall K Cutt, was
awarding Chelsea a special certificate for her service. The award
permits her to perform operations in area hospitals when COVID-patient
overloads leave wards short-staffed.
Cutt
told Carl Potato, “This woman is a natural-born healer. She intuitively
knows what the rest of us study for years to attain. I would gladly
work alongside her performing a heart bypass or a blood clot removal…”
When
informed of Clinton’s feat in the Rose Garden, Tucker Carlson said,
“This changes everything. I had no idea Chelsea was so talented. I’m
going to revisit my understanding of the First Amendment and free
speech. It may turn out that silent obedience is what our Forefathers
intended. If so, I’ll be downgrading my show to Public Access.”
When
reached for comment, Anthony Fauci said, “I certainly applaud Chelsea’s
work in the Rose Garden. I hope, as she was saving the President, she
was wearing a mask. Maybe two or three. Brain swelling plus SARS-CoV-2
can induce pregnancy in some males…”
Reached
at his bunker in Florida, Donald Trump responded, “Warp Speed, Warp
Speed, I did it, Fauci wanted to wait, all the big vaccine companies are
terrific, the shot in the arm makes America great, I take a booster
every week…”
The
day after his brain surgery, President Biden told his immediate staff,
“I had doubts about Chelsea when she stuck that pin in my ear, but now
I’m thinking I want to appoint her Vaccine Czar. The young lady knows
injections. They have to be delivered gently. Too many people are
stabbing other people. Vaccination isn’t an organization, it’s an
idea. You need intellectuals to handle it.”
Chelsea’s
press aide informed CNN she was resting after the double effort of
saving the President and employing Aristotelian logic to defeat Tucker
Carlson, after which she’ll be traveling to a seltzer factory in Ohio to
measure CO2 levels, prior to her speech before the United Nations on
her climate proposal to reduce oxygen levels in major US cities.
Next
week, The New England Journal of Medicine will publish her new study,
“Utilizing Gene Replacement to Reduce Whiteness in Hetero-Identifying
Women under the Age of 30: Preliminary Results from Albino Mice.”
Celebrating
the 25th anniversary of the transfer of missile-guidance technology
from the US to China, under her father’s guidance, Chelsea has announced
a deal with Northwest Dragon Fashion Limited, a subsidiary of the
People’s Republic of China, to produce a line of red surgical scrubs
emblazoned with the tag line, “Nuke SARS-CoV-2 with the vaccine today.”
~~~
(The link to this article posted on my blog is here.)
(Follow me on Gab at @jonrappoport)
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