Happy New Year!
Mostly
naked pole-dancers fronting a full orchestra playing Doo-Wop tunes you
love from the 50s! Drinks on the house! Liberal celebs mingling with the
peasants! The Vegas Mob Brothel and Hotel Casino just off the Strip
presents…
The COVID Fear Porn Awards Ceremony 2021!
Leading
up to the presentation of the coveted gold-plated statuette of Nazi
Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels, which an as yet unnamed out of work
actor will present to Fear Porn Person of the Year, several awards will
be handed out to men and women in sub-categories of Halfway Compromise:
CATEGORY
ONE: “Of course the virus exists. Don’t bother me with evidence to the
contrary. I don’t have time to look at it. I’m busy with other
issues. It’s a distraction. Anyway, people don’t understand the claim.”
TWO:
“I’m definitely and absolutely pro-vaccine. I just want safer and more
effective shots, and the current COVID vaccine happens to be
unsafe. Vaccines have nothing to do with autism and other forms of brain
damage.”
THREE:
“The courts and judges will save us from the vaccine mandates. Don’t
worry, be happy. The system works. Street protests are
counter-productive. Cloth masks don’t work, but R283-X-A45367-BQX-23-9
masks are quite effective at stopping the spread of the dreaded virus.”
FOUR:
“The Omicron Variant is quite real and spreads quickly, but it is less
virulent than the Delta or the original SARS-CoV-2.”
FIVE:
“The PCR test is irreparably flawed, but the case numbers based on the
test are real, not meaningless. We need more testing.”
At
the crest of the evening’s presentations, the Committee will reveal its
choice for Fear Porn Person of the Year, from the following nominees:
Anthony Fauci
Bill Gates
Joe Biden
Gavin Newsom
Andrew Cuomo
Klaus Schwab
Anthony Fauci
Save
your ticket stub. There will be a drawing. One attendee will win an
all-expenses trip to Vienna, to live for three months under the
government’s lockdown regime. Stay in your hotel room. Watch
television. Eat canned food. Wear a mask. Experience the fear. Sweat in
the dark.
Bonus! At
the Awards presentation, Dr. Deborah Birx will receive the annual Hot
Zone Virus From The Jungle plaque commemorating her work as a member of
the White House Coronavirus Task Force under President Donald Warp Speed
Trump.
Dr.
Birx is presently working as a waitress at the 24-hour Sam Giancana
Diner on the outskirts of Las Vegas. She is seeking re-employment as a
bureaucrat at any tax-gobbling government agency that remembers her. We
will be taking up a collection to pay her rent. She will be signing
copies of her book, I Was Never an Out and Out Grifter.
A
special scroll will be presented to CNN and MSNBC for their unceasing
yearlong fear porn promotion. We understand an alleged and accused CNN
pedophile will be on hand to receive his half of the scroll.
In
absentia, Nancy My Husband Doesn’t Really Work With The Chinese Pelosi
will be awarded an Emperor Nero silver coin engraved thusly: I WEAR MY
MASK IN THE BATHROOM WHILE I’M SITTING DOWN.
Breaking---Boston
Mayor, Michelle Wu, has just announced a vaccine passport system for
the City of the American Revolution…all persons 12 and older will have
to present the passport to enter any covered indoor venue. This fear
porn enforcement Queen Mayor will be granted a brass plaque with her
name engraved, to be placed on a slot machine outside a bedroom in the
famed Crazy Eights Brothel and Steak House in Skirts, Nevada. Keep up
the good work, Michelle My Belle!
To all compliant Americans who believe in fear porn, congratulations. We
would give each one of you a participation trophy if we could afford
it, to signify you are the greatest enablers in human history.
You
inspire us to continue our work, singling out those individuals and
organizations that distribute the tonnage of fear porn at a rate which
stuns the senses.
Quoting
our Founder, Edward Bernays, the father of modern propaganda: “The
conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and
opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society.
Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an
invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. We
are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas
suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical
result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast
numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to
live together as a smoothly functioning society.”
Friends,
when you come right down to it, are you afraid of not being afraid? If
fear were stripped from your minds, would you feel at sea…not knowing
what to think or do? Would you be lost without your old pal fear? You’re
our audience, and we serve you every day of every year. And in doing
so, we put a pretty bow on the ties that bind.
Stay
close. We’re planning new surprises, new variants on the central theme
of Medical Emergency. We’re the Titans of Pavlovian stimulus-response,
and we feel your anticipatory drool.
If you can’t attend our Awards Ceremony this year, just keep watching our minions juke and tap dance on the Network News:
Lester
Holt (Lurch, from the Addams Family); David Muir (Sears underwear
model); Norah O’Donnell (state baton twirling champion); Wolf Blitzer
(old man in tattered bathrobe pouring a can of soup into a saucepan in
his kitchen); Chuck Todd (racetrack tout and penny-stock hustler).
They’ll keep you tuned to America’s leading product: fear porn.
The
New York Times: “Today, on the Southern Face of Mt. Everest, a New York
Hedge Fund manager froze to death in a seething blizzard. Sitting
behind a new DARPA super-telescope observing the scene from Fort Meade,
Maryland, Anthony Fauci diagnosed the man with COVID as he
expired. ‘Shortness of breath was the telltale sign,’ Fauci remarked…”
So
yes, Tony Fauci IS our Fear Porn Person of the Year. He’s on the case
and on the money every time he takes center stage. He’s a belching stage
hog, and we love him.
~~~
(The link to this article posted on my blog is here.)
(Follow me on Gab at @jonrappoport)
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