Well,
the Scroll found last month wasn’t in a cave and it wasn’t in a dead
sea; it was in the remains of an ancient synagogue excavated below the
Jerusalem Star Deli in the middle of the city.
Researchers found “several rolls inscribed in an early version of Aramaic…”
The astonishing conclusion? These rolls are over 8000 years old.
And they contain pointed references---actually, instructions---about the practice of vaccination.
Researchers
and scientists in Israel have expressed great interest because, of
course, the nation is now undergoing one of the most extensive mandated
vaccination campaigns in human history, to turn back the COVID pandemic.
Persons
living in Israel are, according to reports, having a very difficult
time leaving the country without proof of vaccination.
Scholars at the Tel Aviv Center for Historical Studies have just released excerpts from newly discovered 8000-year-old scrolls:
“The Sky Cadets came to earth on a sheet of flying matzos. They brought us the secret of the vaccine, to save humankind.”
“Every Temple needs a rabbi who is called a Fauci. He interfaces with the public.”
“The
Flying Cadets taught us a secret mantra: ‘only swelling and redness at
the injection site.’ We repeat it for an hour before bedtime.”
“If,
during a large vaccination program, people start dropping like flies,
have the Faucis announce, ‘It was the virus, not the vaccine’.”
“It
will be useful to invoke ‘the bad batch’: ‘Overall, the vaccine is a
resounding success; the contaminated batch has been identified and
destroyed’.”
“Don’t listen to Moishe. He spreads malicious gossip. His pushcart of natural remedies is a source of the virus.”
“Eat bacon only after receiving the Swine Flu vaccine.”
“Never
allow the public to witness the holy ceremonies of discovering a new
virus or making a new vaccine. These rituals are conducted by rabbis in
sancta guarded by pharmaceutical money changers.”
“When,
in the future, people everywhere DO drop like flies during a
vaccination campaign, consider calling the devastation a Flood that is
drowning the world, and take appropriate evasive measures.”
The
Israeli Public Health Service has claimed these translations are in
error. Spokesman Dr. Spike Jonas told reporters, “Clearly, when our
ancestors were held in bondage in Egypt, they were demanding the vaccine
against Bird Flu. The Pharaoh refused to distribute the injection to
our people. This resulted in the Exodus, the parting of the Red Sea, and
the great escape. After 40 years, Moses’ flock was led to an outpost of
the World Health Organization near Canaan, where medical teams were on
emergency alert. The life-saving shots were delivered, and that is why
we are here today…”
In
New York, during a good will tour of the devastated city, Anthony Fauci
and Governor Andrew Cuomo encouraged the few citizens on the streets to
cheer up and take heart and buckle down and stay tough and show the
world what New Yorkers are made of. A heckler remarked, “We’re made of a
long drive to Florida, where we’re permanently relocating…” Dr. Fauci
commented on Dr. Spike Jonas’ statement: “He solves the mystery of the
Biblical Exodus. The Hebrews were so intent on taking the Bird Flu
vaccine, they willed the Red Sea to part and escaped the Pharaoh, who
was disproportionately distributing the shots. This should be an
inspiration for our time…”
A
team of AI specialists at Harvard and MIT are currently undertaking a
radical rewrite of the entire Old Testament. Heading up the project,
retired transgender surgeon and medical ethicist, Dr. Ray Balzoff,
issued a statement to the press:
“We
believe the whole of the Old Testament is actually based on a
vaccination controversy. The snake in the Garden was attempting to
convince Eve to reject the seasonal flu shot. When she did, humankind
experienced the Fall. Cain murdered his brother Abel because Abel sinned
by refusing the protective HPV shot that prevents cervical
cancer. David killed Goliath by substituting a saltwater placebo shot
for the actual Hep B vaccination. Goliath soon declined and perished
from liver disease.”
UPDATE:
A new passage from the Deli Aramaic scrolls in Jerusalem has just been
released: “We are the seers. We can view the future. Many years from
now, a test called the PCR will be developed for detecting viruses. We
believe our present method of testing is just as accurate as the
PCR. While a person is sleeping, we rub two jagged rocks on his left and
right temples. When he suddenly awakes, if he sits up immediately, the
test is positive. If he continues to lie in a prone position, the test
is negative…”
UPDATE
2: Catholic Bishop in Exile, Father Arch Ipelago, who is doing a
10-year jolt in the federal Colorado ADMAX, for sexually assaulting
minors, told the Associated Press, “When Jesus handed over the Keys to
the Kingdom, for the formation of a new Church, it was to be called The
Vaccine-I-Can. Eventually, that name was changed to Vatican…but the
mission remains the same. Wine, wafer, Pfizer. Everybody must take the
shot…”
~~~
(The link to this article posted on my blog is here.)
(Follow me on Gab at @jonrappoport)
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