Why I Chose To Un-School My Son
Now more than ever before our society is
seeing the need to take matters into our own hands and not rely on
others to get the job done for us. The topic of un-schooling has become
quite popular and with good reason.
According to Wikipedia:
“Unschooling is an educational
method and philosophy that advocates learner-chosen activities as a
primary means for learning. Unschooling students learn through their
natural life experiences including play, household responsibilities,
personal interests and curiosity, internships and work experience,
travel, books, elective classes, family, mentors, and social
interaction. Unschooling encourages exploration of activities initiated
by the children themselves, believing that the most
personal learning
is, the more meaningful, well-understood and, therefore, useful it is to
the child. While courses may occasionally be taken, unschooling
questions the usefulness of standard curricula, conventional grading
methods, and other features of traditional schooling in the education of
each unique child.”
I couldn’t agree more. It’s about taking
the reigns in our children’s education to ensure that they are not just
getting a good one but they have the opportunity to see the great joy
of learning. After six years of leaving it up to the system, my son lost
that great joy.
All Children Love To Learn
All kids love to learn and my son was
not excluded from that. After a couple years of school, I noticed that
school didn’t feel like a place of learning for him. Learning was
something that naturally manifested into his life. I taught him sign
language before he ever said his first word. He loved books, songs, art,
counting and all the stuff a child his age liked to learn about.
As early as grade one, he began showing
signs that he would prefer not to go there. Recently I saw an episode of
The Simpsons titled, ‘Lisa’s Sax’ from Season 9, which shows a
flashback to Bart’s first day of kindergarten. Some of you may
know the one. In the episode, Bart starts his first day saying, “School
will be fun.” Shortly after, his initial enthusiasm is crushed by an
uncaring and bitter teacher who says that he would be a failure at life,
and he draws a violent sketch of his feelings. I feel that’s what it
was like for my son (and many other kids) when they entered school for
the first time. They go in with enthusiasm and excitement and end up
with disdain and confusion.
advertisement - learn more
In grade four, he began to ask me
questions regarding the structure of school. He told me he didn’t like
that the kids were constantly being told to be quiet and sit still. He
didn’t understand why he couldn’t eat when he was hungry. He was
confused why he couldn’t learn about the things that he liked or was
interested in. He asked why the teachers stopped using games and songs
and kept play time to a scheduled time once a week. Prompted by my son’s
inquires, I was compelled to do research about public education and its
origins which I will share my findings later in this article.
When my son was in grade 5, I noticed
that he didn’t understand basic math concepts. Concerned, I reached out
to his teacher who told me that she hadn’t noticed. She said she would
look into it and I put my faith in her that she would get to the bottom
of the problem. She never did and before I could follow up with her as
to why nothing had been done, the teachers went on strike until the
following school year. My son entered grade 6 and more problems
regarding school began to arise.
The Move That Changed Our Lives
By February of this year, school had
created a horrible rift in our home life. When I would try to help my
son with his homework, he would become extremely emotional and shut
down. This made it almost impossible to help him. Eventually he had an
emotional breakdown. He began by telling me that he was not going back
to school. After asking him why he felt so strongly about this, he
listed numerous reasons over the course of two hours. The things he
brought up were that he felt like school was militarized. When asking
why he felt like that he said because of the rules, the loud
sound of the bell and that they made them run outside in the winter
rain and cold everyday even if they didn’t want to. He felt like school
was boring because he never had the opportunity to learn what he was
interested in. How many of you reading this ask your children what they
learned about in school when they come home and they reply with,
“Nothing” or “Boring stuff”? My son disagreed with how the kids were
treated, specifically that the teachers were above the students and that
they were like masters and the kids were like slaves (his words). He
didn’t feel like what he was learning about would benefit him in any
way, not now, not ever. He felt stupid and the pressure of “competing”
with his peers was unbearable.
This incident deeply saddened me. From
what I could see, my baby was suffering and as his mother, it was my
duty to find a solution to this and I feel I have. I had been toying
with the idea of home education for years. Every day after school, I
would tutor my son on things he would never learn while attending school
which I think was the basis for him to be able to have an awareness
that something just wasn’t right at that place. I so badly wanted him to
see the joy of learning and how beneficial it is to be educated but
felt with the lack of funding and set curriculum that was not possible.
After laying out my options with home education and studying the
philosophies and methods of un-schooling, I pulled my son from the
school.
The Teachers Know That Public Education Is Horribly Flawed
I sent an email to his teacher
explaining a bit about why I was taking my son out of public education
which prompted the teacher to call me. We had a very long, enlightening
conversation regarding the school system. The teacher told me that he
completely supported and agreed with my decision to educate my son at
home. He knew that the system was out-dated at best and the kids are not
benefiting from it in anyway. He stated that most kids in his class
were having meltdowns at home and in school regarding it. He agreed with
me that the system doesn’t teach the kids how to be critical thinkers
and that can be very dangerous for a society as a whole. He told me that
he will not be putting his kids in public education. That statement
alone was enough to tell me I was doing the right thing. My son was in a
split class and had two teachers. Between the two teachers, they shared
65 students. That is unbelievable! The teacher stated that he so badly
wants to teach but it’s so conflicting because as a teacher, his hands
are tied. He has to stick to a set curriculum and can’t really go
outside of it. He said that there literally is no funding. Most teachers
pay for a lot of school supplies out of their own pockets. This morning
I read a Polk county public school teacher’s letter of resignation. To me it’s more proof that the teachers know that the system is horribly flawed!
How My Son’s Life Has Changed
Since we started our journey of
un-schooling, he now understands basic math concepts. His mood has also
improved greatly. When I first caught wind to him being behind, I knew
that it stemmed from his grade two year and he couldn’t get caught up
because the teachers unfortunately don’t do one-on-one help. He got
behind in the first place because he was being bullied and his teacher
at the time was also doing questionable things like not letting him go
to the bathroom. That was a bad year for him. I know that experience had
a part in his perception of school and him falling behind. Regardless,
nothing was done on the teacher’s part to rectify the problem and how
could they if they don’t have the time or resources to give one-on-one
help. The principal of my son’s school said that they don’t offer
one-on-one help at that school and most public schools.
The change from my son while he was in
public school to un-schooling is like night and day. Now, he has
complete say in what he learns about and because I know his interests, I
can incorporate them into all subjects that he’s doing for that week.
For example: he is completely obsessed with Samurais. So he completed
math worksheets that had samurais on them, we explored the science of
making katana swords, the geography of Japan, the history of the Edo
period (time of the Samurais), writing assignments based on monks and
Buddhism, the culture of Japan throughout history and now, and lots
more. I couldn’t believe how I could incorporate samurais into every
single subject.
Eventually, he started having
self-directed days where he is his own teacher. He has the reigns and
can decide what pace to go at and how much he wants to complete in one
day. Some people have asked me if he does anything on the days when were
not working together. Through un-schooling he has learned the
importance and magic of learning. It’s all centered around his
interests, passions, and curiosities so of course he does. He has the
awareness that learning can manifest in anything. Whether it’s
practicing his archery, tending to the plants, cooking, travelling,
engaging in his passions and spending time with the ones he loves; he
knows anything he engages himself in can teach him. When he was in
school, he never set goals. Since we’ve been working together he sets
goals and achieves them all the time. We have no set curriculum; he is
in control with me as a guide.
The greatest thing that I’ve learned
through this experience is that we must be engaged in our children’s
learning. Even if un-schooling doesn’t seem like an option. We can’t
expect that all their education needs will be met at school. For
example, the things he has learned through un-schooling that he could
not learn while attending public education include: cooking, the
Japanese language, Nikola Tesla, how to take notes, the power of one,
philosophy, philosophers, astronomy, Gandhi (and other greats like him),
quantum physics, Buddhism, Jesus, yoga, meditation, critical thinking,
archery, how to grow food, laws of attraction, the power of gratitude,
wilderness survival, various conscious documentaries like “I Am”, in
depth political history and how society was built, natural healing and
medicines, knowledge of self and so, so, so much more! As a parent and
an enthusiastic student of the universe, I believe all these things and
more should be taught through public education! We must fill in the gaps
whatever way we can in our current situations. The system is broken and
the children are suffering.
The Evidence That Something Needs To Change
Aside from my son’s personal experience
with school, there are other reasons that pushed me to make the move
into home education. The most important one is the origins of public
education. I truly believe that if parents knew what public education
was really created for, they would never enrol their children in it.
I wrote an article regarding the origins which you can view here.
I highly recommend that you read this article which highlights John D.
Rockefeller’s investment of and his involvement in it (to the outcry of
parents and education professionals alike) as well as Horace Mann’s
(“The Father of Education”) role in it and his ties to Prussia.
A notable person I have come across who
has actually taken the time to study the long term status of the
un-schoolers is Peter Gray. He is a Boston College research professor
who has studied how learning happens without any academic requirements
at a democratic school. In 2011, he decided to conduct a study with his
colleague Gina Riley regarding a question he had that was centered
around the outcome of the 10% of un-schoolers from the estimated two
million children who are home schooled. He was prompted to conduct the
study after finding no academic studies that adequately answered his
question.
“In 2011, he and colleague Gina
Riley surveyed 232 parents who unschool their children, which they
defined as not following any curriculum, instead letting the children
take charge of their own education. The respondents were overwhelmingly
positive about their unschooling experience, saying it improved their
children’s general well-being as well as their learning, and also
enhanced family harmony. Their challenges primarily stemmed from feeling
a need to defend their practices to family and friends, and overcoming
their own deeply ingrained ways of thinking about education. (The
results are discussed at length here.)”
Prompted by his own curiosity about how
un-schooled children felt about their education experience and how this
may have impacted their ability to pursue higher education and obtain
gainful and satisfying employment, he conducted a study in 2013 in which
he surveyed 75 adults ranging in age from 18 to 49; almost all of them
had 3 years of un-schooling experience. The results and Gray’s remarks
on the findings of the survey are quite long. You can read the entirety
of the article and results here.
Below I will paraphrase some of the points that really stood out for me
in regards to questions I have been asked regarding my son’s future
(going to college or finding employment).
“All but three of the 75 respondents
felt the advantages of unschooling clearly outweighed the
disadvantages. Almost all said they benefited from having had
the time and freedom to discover and pursue their personal interests,
giving them a head start on figuring out their career preferences and
developing expertise in relevant areas. Seventy percent also
said “the experience enabled them to develop as highly self-motivated,
self-directed individuals,” Gray notes on his blog. Other commonly cited
benefits included having a broader range of learning opportunities; a
richer, age-mixed social life; and a relatively seamless transition to
adult life. “In many ways I started as an adult, responsible for my own
thinking and doing,” said one woman who responded to Gray’s survey.”
““Very few had any serious
complaints against unschooling,” Gray says, and more than a third of the
respondents said they could think of no disadvantages at all. For the
remainder, the most significant disadvantages were: dealing with others’
judgments; some degree of social isolation; and the challenges they
experienced adjusting to the social styles and values of their schooled
peers.”
“What stood out, he adds, is that
“many more said they felt their social experiences were better than they
would have had in school.” Sixty-nine percent were “clearly happy with
their social lives,” he says, and made friends through such avenues as
local homeschooling groups, organized afterschool activities, church,
volunteer or youth organizations, jobs, and neighbors. In particular,
“they really treasured the fact that they had friends who were older or
younger, including adults. They felt this was a more normal kind of
socializing experience than just being with other people your age.””
“Three people were very dissatisfied
overall. In all three cases, the respondents said their mothers were in
poor mental health and the fathers were uninvolved. Two of the three
also happened to be the only ones who mentioned having been raised in a
fundamentalist religious home, though the survey didn’t ask this
question specifically. It appeared to Gray that the unschooling was not
intentional—the parent had aimed to teach a religious curriculum, “but
was incompetent and stopped teaching,” he notes. In all of these cases,
the children’s contact with other people was also very restricted;
moreover, they were not given any choice about their schooling and
therefore felt deprived of school.”
“Overall, 83 percent of the
respondents had gone on to pursue some form of higher education. Almost
half of those had either completed a bachelor’s degree or higher, or
were currently enrolled in such a program; they attended (or had
graduated from) a wide range of colleges, from Ivy League universities
to state universities and smaller liberal-arts colleges.”
“In the words of one woman: “I
already had a wealth of experience with self-directed study. I knew how
to motivate myself, manage my time, and complete assignments without the
structure that most traditional students are accustomed to. … I know
how to figure things out for myself and how to get help when I need it.”
Added another: “I discovered that people wanted the teacher to tell
them what to think. … It had never, ever occurred to me to ask someone
else to tell me what to think when I read something.””
More Evidence
Hackschooling Makes Me happy | Logan LaPlante | TEDxUniversityofNevada
High School Valedictorian Speaks Out Against Schooling
4th Grade Student Sounds Off On State Testing
What Is The Solution?
I’m all about creating sustainable
solutions that we can start implementing today. I wanted to share my
story about my son in hopes that it will help other parents who are
watching their children suffer in the school system and to know that
there are other options. I believe that our children are the future and
as such, it is our duty to make sure they have not just a good education
but an inspiring and enlightening one so they don’t make the same
mistakes my generation and generations before me have made. There has
been a large increase on discussions regarding public education and the
effect it’s having on our children. I personally believe that the whole
system needs to be changed. It’s outdated and has sinister roots. We
have the power to change things and talking about the solutions is a
good start.
Recently, I read an article titled, ‘Why every parent should consider un-schooling’. In it, it states that with programs
like No Child Left Behind (millions of children have actually been left
behind) and Common Core (otherwise known as Common Conformity) in the
United States, parents are finding the educational climate so
unacceptable that they are willing to take a radically different path.
Upon reading that, I was reminded of another article
I read regarding director James Cameron (Titantic, Avatar) and his wife
Suzy Cameron creating an innovative school called Muse. The concept
behind MUSE came about after Suzy, a global environmental activist,
mother of 5, and proud wife, grew tired of watching her older children
struggle in the traditional education system, and sought an alternative
and more environmentally aware option.
I definitely think creating new schools
with the basis of the “un-schooling” philosophy is what we need but for
many parents that can seem like light years away especially when our
children are suffering now. I’ve written many articles on how any parent
can adopt the philosophies of un-schooling or home education even if
they have to work during the day. There is always a way. It really
depends on how much work you are willing to put in.
No comments:
Post a Comment