...For
a moment, a person sees beyond the picture of accepted reality. He sees
huge open space. He knows he can act on the basis of an inner
leverage. He knows he has great power.
And then...
THE REALITY SALESMAN CALLS.
Step
up, folks. This is a deal you can't afford to miss. You know that thing
you cling to like a drowning man in a turbulent sea?
It's
called reality, and I represent the company that manufactures it. I'm
proud to say I've held this job for over a hundred thousand years. So as
far as product knowledge is concerned, you just aren't going to find
anybody like me.
I'm here to tell you that reality is never
anything more than rocks and bricks and concrete and steel. Reality is
never anything more than a house and all the things in it, and the
mementos you hold on to, to remind you of the past.
And in conjunction with that, I'm really selling...guess what?
A little thing called perception.
I'm selling How You See Things.
Because, no matter what time period you live in, it all comes down to that: how you see what's in front of you.
And
believe it or not, perception comes in different forms. My company
makes the perception that endures. It's the package you're living with
right now. It's the down-to-earth here-it-is straight-ahead common-sense
type. We call it: IT IS WHAT IT IS. That's trademarked, by the way.
IISWII. It is what it is.
IISWII was invented by a very smart
guy whose name has been long forgotten. He was a flaming genius, and he
realized something great. People would go for IISWII because it would
lock them in.
Who wants to wake up on a Tuesday morning and suddenly see life in a completely different way?
IISWII is the most popular perception package in the universe, bar none. It has Reliability. Consistency.
All
those centuries and epochs ago, when I was a rookie training for this
job, the guys let me try on a whole bunch of different perception
packages, so I could see what kind of competition I was up against.
I saw foolish things, ridiculous things, dangerous things. But when I was given IISWII, our product, I felt like I was home.
IISWII gives you a stability you can count on for your whole life. And, believe me, that's no small feat.
IISWII is time-tested. It's as solid as solid can be. It doesn't break down.
But it does need vaccine boosters from time to time, and that's why I'm here today talking to you.
Every twenty thousand years, we institute a planet-wide upgrade, just to make sure nothing goes wrong. And you're all due.
Now,
you could refuse, in which case you'll have to take full responsibility
for the ugly consequences, or you could do the right thing and just
re-up. I have to tell you, our re-up rate is 99.859 percent. I'm proud
of that figure.
In the small print, the contract lays out a few
details concerning IMAGINATION. This is for your own
protection---because if you take imagination too far (and who knows how
far that is, until it's too late), you'll set up what we call an
interference field, which means IISWII will tend to malfunction. You
don't want that.
So here's the contract. Sign on the dotted line, and we're done.
Thank you very much.
I
love you guys. Really, I do. I admire your tenacity and your
willingness to stay with our package. Our company continues to prosper
because of you.
THE PLEDGE: "I promise not to mess with the
perception package. If I believe someone is operating outside the
boundaries of the package, I will shun him. I will turn him in to the
authorities. If I myself stray, I will confess and receive treatment.
All hail to the IISWII perception package!"
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