On October 19, 2058, Dr. Smith Q Smith was led into a chamber
buried under the US Department of Sacred Language. He was interviewed
by Judge Garble Definite III. This is a partial transcript:
Judge: Do you know why you're here today, Dr. Smith?
Smith: I was told by the battalion that arrested me at my office that I was violating Federal Code X-Prime.
Judge:
That is correct. Your violation is extreme. You informed a patient
that his flu wasn't the flu. This is a contradiction that carries a
potential 20-year sentence at the Trilateral Work Farm on Okinawa.
Smith: Your Honor, semantics is the only issue here.
Judge:
That's right, Doctor. Which is why your crime is so grave. First of
all, the word "flu" is owned by the US Federal Merck Glaxo Homeland
Security Agency. Do you realize that?
Smith: That's what I've been told.
Judge:
Let me explain. When a person has a certain set of symptoms like
cough, fever, fatigue---and all this is spelled out in the Manual---you,
the doctor say: "Flu." That's how you use the word. You don't make
conditions. You don't shrink back. You don't contradict yourself. You
say: "Flu." The owners of the word demand it.
Smith:
Understood. But also implicit in the word "flu" is a flu virus that
causes the illness. And you see, after I diagnosed my patient with the
flu, I discovered that the virus wasn't present. So I told him he
didn't have the flu.
Judge: You violated the implicit contract
that allows you to use the word "flu" in the first place. According to
that contract, you can't apply the word and then take it away. Why?
Because then you would weaken the power of the word. You would dilute
it. The owners of the word, under federal law, do not allow dilution.
Smith: This seems very strange to me.
Judge:
It's very clear. Let me explain something to you. To whom does
language belong? At first, everybody. It's a communal possession.
It's owned collectively by everybody. But the path of political
evolution has shown us that government becomes the leadership of the
collective. Following me? What the collective owns becomes what the
government owns. Do you see that?
Smith: I'm not sure. The government safeguards the possessions of the collective?
Judge: Exactly. Who else can protect what the collective has?
Smith: Frankly, sir, I feel like I'm in a bad dream.
Judge:
You entered a bad dream when you applied the word "flu" and then took
it back. Let me be very, very clear about this: part of the definition
of "flu" is, once a doctor assigns it to a patient, he can't take it
back. It doesn't matter what diagnostic tests show or don't show. It
doesn't matter if the patient "really" has diabetes or arthritis. The
word "flu" means: you put it on a patient like a sticker and it stays
there. No matter what. Whether or not the patient actually has a flu
virus is completely irrelevant. Understand?
Smith: So my skill as a diagnostician is beside the point.
Judge:
Entirely beside the point. The primary fact is, the word "flu" is
owned, and the owners say you must never give the word and then take it
away. Never.
Smith: This reminds me of the famous GMO decision of the Supreme Court.
Judge:
It was correctly determined that the term "GMO" is owned by Monsanto.
Therefore, no one can claim food should be labeled "GMO" unless Monsanto
agrees.
Smith: Who owns the word "doctor"?
Judge: The American Medical Association and the FDA and Harvard, jointly.
Smith: They can take it away from me?
Judge:
Yes, because part of the official definition of "doctor" is, it can be
retracted if a doctor commits a serious offense---and you have.
Smith: That's very troubling.
Judge: A word is a thing like a cow or a rug or a car. Remember that. And all things are owned.
Smith: Who owns the word "word"?
Judge: The US Department of Sacred Language.
Smith: And who owns that Department?
Judge: The Department owns itself.
Smith: Who decided that?
Judge: The Department.
Smith: What do you want me to do, Your Honor?
Judge: Tell that patient he does have the flu.
Smith: Even though he doesn't.
Judge:
There is no "doesn't" in this case. Rid yourself of that idea. Again,
the word "flu" means: once you apply it to a patient, it stays with
that patient. If you removed it, you would be diluting the power of the
word, and that must never happen.
Smith: All right. I'll tell the patient he has the flu.
Judge:
You must pay a fine to the government. One year's salary. You must
attend a six-week language seminar at the Alcatraz Re-Ed Facility. Once
I read their report on your performance, I'll decide whether to impose a
prison sentence.
Smith: I must accept your verdict, so I do. But let me ask you <em>this</em>: where does language come from?
Judge:
The US Department of Psychology and Linguistics has determined that
language arose spontaneously, from the collective of humanity, all at
once, about 180,000 years ago. It wasn't there, and then it was. Like
the Big Bang.
Smith: No single individual played a role?
Judge: The US Department of Homeland Security has outlawed the word "individual." You surely know that.
Smith: I'm just talking, sir.
Judge:
That is your problem. You "just talk." There are thousands, if not
millions of ways a person can talk and offend others in the process.
Our present civilization is based on that fact.
Smith: My patient...is he not an individual?
Judge:
He is an expression of the collective. He is the result of trillions
of prior events and trillions of trillions of sub-atomic movements in
space and time.
Smith: So in the larger scheme of things---
Judge: He is unimportant. What is important is the way you used a word improperly. This must be corrected.
Smith: I have a problem, Your Honor.
Judge: What is it?
Smith: Paying a fine of one year's salary would throw me into bankruptcy. I wouldn't be able to support my family.
Judge: I'm well aware of that.
Smith: You are?
Judge:
Listen carefully. Once you declare bankruptcy, you can apply for
Victim Status, according to Federal Code 56T9YUR. Under the
classification of "medical doctor," you can then receive free housing,
food credits, a vehicle, three cell phones, a small office, eight
computers, and access to the Federal Cloud. After two years, you can
then apply for Psychological Disability, which will enable you to go to
work for the Federal Victim Consolation Agency. You would become a
Class B Counselor, and you would help other Victims reorganize their
lives. Your salary would be commensurate with what you were previously
earning as a medical doctor. All in all, you would emerge intact. As a
bonus, you would have an enhanced appreciation of the plight of others.
Smith: I had no idea that was possible. Let me ask you this. What is the definition of the word "victim"?
Judge: "A person who has applied or should apply for Victim Status under federal regulations."
Smith: Can the designation of "victim" ever be removed once it is granted?
Judge: Absolutely not.
Smith: Because?
Judge:
Because, metaphysically speaking, the presence of one Victim means
everyone is a Victim. More and more of the collective is realizing that
fact every day.
Smith: So I would be joining---
Judge: By
applying for Victim Status, you would be elevating your position in
terms of consciousness and the whole evolutionary process.
Smith: I wish I had known all this sooner.
Judge: It doesn't matter. You will know it now.
---end of excerpt---
Records
show that Dr. Smith tried to attack the Judge in the courtroom. Before
he was subdued by guards and given an injection, he uttered 57
forbidden words.
When the Judge recovered, he sentenced Dr. Smith
to life in prison at the Times Square Rendition Center. That sentence
automatically triggered an application for Helplessness Category 4-Fg,
which was quickly granted to the doctor.
Dr. Smith was then taken
to the Yale Academy Word Annex in the Sudan, where he was enrolled in a
Do-Over School, starting with the first grade. He was given a full 12
years of elementary, middle, and high school education, with an emphasis
in New Language Skills.
At the end of his sentence, he was
accepted as an in-house word manager at the US Department of Sacred
Language in Washington DC.
He quickly rose to the position of Judge Commissioner, and was assigned cases of language violations.
Three
years later, because of his sterling record, the People's Party of
America approached him. They offered to support his candidacy for a
seat in the US Senate.
Smith agreed to run. His platform was
summed up in a single paragraph: "The owners of language represent the
collective, all of us together. The owners give us the wisdom to know
what to say and what not to say. This wisdom raises us up to the top of
the mountain, where the great prophets live in silence. Someday, we,
too, will be silent. Then we will know peace."
During the first
campaign debate, Smith stood at his podium alongside the other
candidates. When asked questions, he refused to speak.
His poll ratings soared. He quickly became the frontrunner.
He won the election in a landslide.
During his full six-year term in the Senate, he never uttered a word to anyone.
On that basis, his Party nominated him for the office of President of the United States.
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